THE HUMOUR OF GENDER EQUALITY

Women have for many decades fought to be made equal to men. They have only succeeded in creating a list of perceived feminist heroes and nothing else. I personally do not think that gender equality is something worth fighting for. If women wanted something to fight about they would rather fight for equal representation or a dinner date with Jimmy Gait. I am not saying a date with Gait is worth fighting for, though. All I am saying is: it is about time women found something worthwhile to do. I do not understand why women struggle and create so much fuss all in the name of pursuing gender equality. I wonder why women want to be thought equal to men. I mean, men are such a mess! If anyone wanted to fight for equality with something then a computer or a dinosaur would be better candidates, not a man for heavens sake! Women are aiming too low, that's my point. Again, we do not see men fussing around wanting to be made or thought to be  equal to women. At least men get it: it is not about wanting to be what you're not. Sometimes just drinking beer, yelling at kids, wearing dirty socks, watching football and picking your nose are better pastimes. Women have a lot to learn from men: be satisfied with what you are and what you have. Live and let die.

Men were created first, no argument about that. Adam must have lived a few days or hours before Eve was created so, yes ladies, we were here first. Then women were created and the world has never been the same since. They made us eat the forbidden fruit, lied to us that they had conversed with some mystery snake then told us we were naked and had to hide. They got us into this mess. And so big was the mess that the son of God was called upon to die on a cross to make it right. Now they want us to forget all that and say they’re equal to us. No way!

I do not know how evolutionary theologians puts it, between male and the female species which evolved first but it is not important. Maybe Jimmy Gait will tell us someday. But no matter how you look at it, women are not men’s equal, physically, emotionally...  In Kenya for example the university entry cut off points for women is lower than that of men. Is that equality? Well, ladies answer me, is that equality? But men are not complaining, except maybe Jimmy Gait. We are fine. We don't care whether the university cut off point for ladies (I'm just trying to be polite here) is reduced to zero, it won't make women (I'm done being polite) equal to men. 

In every sport that I can think of, all records are held by men. Any man stands a goood chance of defeating any woman in any sport on any day, well, except maybe Jimmy Gait. The only marathon in which women beat men is gossip Olympics and even here, it is just because men don't participate in this sport. Women boasted for a long time that they dominated the hospitality industry... all chefs were women. But who is laughing now? Men have taken over the spoon too. I wont be surprised if men out-competed women in putting on makeup and gluing horsehair to their heads. 99% of world leaders are men, aren't they? Well, you could say this is because we live in a chauvinistic world. But that's exactly my point!
Women's dislike of men is justifiable. I mean who wouldn't hate a man? Men drink way too much beer, snore way too loudly, fart far too often, pick their noses too much and watch way too much television. But then again, it's men that invented all these things! It is only fair that they enjoy the fruits of decades of hard work and research they have done. Jimmy Gait also invented yelling as  a way of singing and how to appear to be crying when you're in fact laughing inside.They want to throw all these facts to the dogs and say we are equal? Are they nuts?

It makes me sick when women claim equality with men. It is only by a stretch that we can grudging accept that women are equal to a man and that man would be Jimmy Gait. Any claims that goes beyond that makes me just want to puke. Where is the sink? Rachel Shebesh is not Evans Kidero's equal otherwise she wouldn't have let him slap her like that on live television. And to make matters better, all that Rachael Shebesh could do was to repeatedly ask, "Kidero, you've slapped me?". We couldn't hear what Kidero's reply was but it is not difficult to imagine he must have said something like, "You damn right I did!" It must have been a very sad day for Rachael (please accept my heart felt sympathies). Her walk back home that evening must have felt like that of the children of Israel from Egypt to Canaan. I can imagine her reaching home to find her house maid watching the clip on television and rolling on the floor with laughter. She must have felt like hanging herself. It's a testimony to her mental strength that she's still alive today.
If all the men were to be taken out of this world with all the inventions they've made, women would remain naked and homeless, hiding in caves with no mobile phones, no makeup, no selfie sticks and with lots and lots of salons, horsehair and gossip joints. But it would not be all bad. At least there would be no wars, just cat fights. Uhuru park would be turned into one big dumping site for all the waste hair and makeup. Martha Karua would be president and Millie Odhiambo the leader of opposition. In parliament they would sit and discuss what Orie Rogo Manduli had for supper or how to subsidize horse hair from Brazil and import makeup from Guatemala.

There are no known species of mammals and primates where the females claim to be equal to their male counterparts. Well, at least not that which we know of. Why do we claim to be different? Why are we creating so much fuss over nothing? Well, we can sit here and say women are equal to men, then what? Is that gonna change anything? Is that going to make Martha Karua beautiful? Is that gonna make Jimmy Gait a better singer? I guess not. We would have wasted a whole good hour that had better been spent teaching Jimmy Gait how to shed crocodile tears and make them look real. Or we'd better taught Rachel Shebesh how to elude a slap. She really needs to learn that skill by the way.
The master is not equal to the servant, no question about that. The landlord is not equal to the tenant. If you think otherwise go tell it to your landlord when he's come to collect his rent. The teacher is not equal to the pupil: You can ask Miguna Miguna to elaborate on this. The King is not equal to the subjects. The adult is not equal to the child. All thses constants hold true no matter how may placards we carry on the streets and how many miles we may march. Such activities will only make our streets dirty with twigs and our air contaminated with tear gas. Women's equality or inequality with men is something that lives only in our collective mind. It doesn't require a fight to change it. All it takes is education.

Disclaimer

This article is written purely for humour and does not represent the beliefs of George Kachar or that of www.kenyanthought.blogspot.co.ke Miss-use is strictly prohibited.